when i become history

 a spoken word

when i become history

show them

my life


not the prized poem about peace

or the winning game goal

but the nights with no sleep


the fever dreams with


slashed scrawls

the low bouts

and bottomless doubt


the tries and fails in perfect pirouettes

repetition that make regrets

the only constant


when i become history

i consent to the textbook detailing my

spasming synapses

of right brain



back pain


paper and pen

eyes glued to

university applications

i’m only human


when i become history

dear textbook

do not immortalize me

demoralize me

colonize me

and my ever-changing identity

into a perfect pity party


my flaws and failures are as much my story as my

“key contributions” and “mentionable milestones”


when i become history

please ensure I am not printed in texas

black and white text

stuffed into a single subheading as either

hero, entertainer, or terrorist


and since i will not be there

to aid in their decision

i hope my poems speak

and my words are not lost

in translation


you see the funny thing about the human ear

is it will often only hear-

what it wishes


when i become history

i pray stressed students don’t vandalize my page

or falsify my wiki

maybe skip me for rupi


start spitting fun facts like

a: her poetry notebook looked like it had been run over

b: math made her hate she was sober

c: she became famous after she died


when I become history

i hope the kids in the back of class

don’t raise their hands as they

“don’t understand”

how the use of the word blue

reveals my personification of emotional detachment

hint: it’s just a color


when i become history

do not sell my poetry

sure money satiates worldly cravings

but there are no afterlife savings


i do not own the english language

but a mere sequence of letter strings

strung and rung

woven into heartstrings


when i become history

i don’t want to be whispered words

in subtitled script

under shakespeare’s heading


stay ears intact

have equal impact as van gogh


when I become history

show them my life


through clear glass

uncensored and raw


and on my tombstone

in timeless text draw


when we become history

so shouldn’t our legacies

– ammarah siddiqui

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